Source: anatoliycherkas/ Vecteezy/Used with Permission
I was recently interviewed by a high-school student writing a school paper on the impacts of violent video games. It got me thinking about the way parents tend to approach gaming with their teens: as something to limit, take away, prevent, or fret over. As anything else, video games, violent or otherwise, have their pros and cons. Research is broadly mixed about whether there are determinative negative effects or correlations between use and behaviors. There are multiple factors that impact whether video game play becomes problematic for young people. What seems more relevant than risk factors for gaming disorder (sometimes called video game addiction) are the lack of experiences in other areas of functioning as a result of over-gaming. When parents focus on growth-promoting activities and endeavors, leaving gaming as a filler of free time, they can guide kids through a gambit of addition rather than subtraction.
The role parents play in facilitating these areas of growth evolve from manager in the early adolescent years to coach through later adolescence and consultant into emerging adulthood. There are several critically important areas of growth and development during adolescence, each of which require time and energy to nurture:
- Physical Self-care. Getting good nutrition, enough sleep, and some form of movement are all critical in promoting healthy development. Teens’ brains and bodies are growing and changing at a greater rate than at any other time in life aside from the first year of life. Their emotional brain centers are wired to be overactive and the organizational and impulse-control centers are not yet fully developed. This means teens are more sensitive to stress and their emotions and have a harder time making thoughtful decisions. According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, “Teenagers 13 to 18 years of age should sleep 8 to 10 hours per 24 hours on a regular basis to promote optimal health. Sleeping the number of recommended hours on a regular basis is associated with better health outcomes including: improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, emotional regulation, quality of life, and mental and physical health.” (Brooks et al, 2016)
- Social Engagement. Friendships are the bridge for teens from reliance on parents and caregivers to self-reliance. Spending time face-to-face with peers and engaged in pleasurable, safe and healthy activities is critical for the mitigation of stress and for the practice of interpersonal and relationship skills. When positive social connections are developed, the likelihood of feeling happier increases and the risk of mental health challenges decreases. The longest longitudinal study on happiness revealed that the number-one contributor is our relationships (Fudala, A, 2024). For parents this means saying yes as much as possible to allowing social plans. Some of these gatherings may be playing video games together, though the in person interactions still have great value.
- Academic, Learning, and Work Endeavors. The main “job” for teens is that of student. Going to and engaging in school and academic pursuits is the key source of responsibility during this time. Some teens may also have part-time jobs to earn money and gain valuable life experience. The time and energy required to put good-faith effort into arriving on time, being present-minded, and doing the required follow-up exercises, like homework, is a priority. Make these expectations the ones that come before video game play. For younger teens this may involve removing access to gaming systems and devices until schoolwork is complete, or until there have been good-faith efforts at time spent on academics. For older teens, it becomes important to encourage self-motivation by checking in on school-related responsibilities while allowing them to manage priorities more independently.
- Emotional Regulation. Teens are learning about themselves and their emotions, which they feel more deeply during adolescence. It is important to create a family environment that welcomes and validates all emotions and reinforces healthy and respectful expression. It is not uncommon for teens to emerge themselves in online gaming worlds more persistently when the result is avoiding difficult emotions or challenging tasks. For many regular gamers, their play becomes a source of competence and confidence, boosting the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, dopamine. Who would not prefer this over feeling hopelessly stuck on a calculus problem, a research paper, or lamenting over a conflict with a friend? Unfortunately, the avoidance of doing these other hard things, at times requiring help to do so, deprives teens of the practice needed to work critical cognitive and emotional muscles. It can go a long way for parents to concede that playing video games is much more pleasurable than doing these other hard things, and that they have confidence in their ability to grow and learn through these challenges.
Be the parent your teen needs by helping them focus on the skills and competencies that lead to growth into maturity by:
- Having ongoing discussions about these priorities, what is in it for them, and how they can accomplish growth goals before turning on their gaming devices.
- Collaboratively developing agreements about how they will use and manage their time.
- Being there to listen, asking them about their perspectives, and offering help and support when they share feelings about academic results, challenges with friends, or emotional experiences.
Focusing on the areas in which we want teens to endeavor rather than battling over gameplay allows us to be seen as a resource, joining with them to accomplish goals that feel important to them as well as us. The real key to preventing compulsive gaming behavior is by adding as many healthy and growth-oriented activities and practices as possible—and then…let there be gaming!
