Is Style A Dealbreaker In Dating? We Asked Stylists And Designers For Their Take – Essence

When it comes to dating style crosses my mind at times. Luckily this isn’t something that I give too much attention given the fact that my boyfriend is arguably a stylish counterpart in a delicious way. To be frank, nearly every day I’m inspired by what he wears: a mixture of Americana thanks to his fixation and affinity for Ralph Lauren with a hint of streetwear edge courtesy of his shoe choices. But apparently, to some this isn’t the norm. Don’t get me wrong I’ve kissed quite a few lackluster frogs who wore plain T-shirts with pants and called it a day. This era has been largely fun because it’s been new territory for me to show up as my full self style-wise while my boyfriend does the same.

In a day and age where the trend cycle seems to always be spinning, a keen fashion sense is rare. So many folks spend time trying to dress as a version of themselves that doesn’t fit their body, the era they’re living in, or are merely chasing what everyone appears to be wearing. If you asked me a few years ago about style being a dealbreaker regarding dating, I’d have said “No.” But realistically speaking, it is largely important.

When you work in a space like fashion editorial, invites come in on the fly sometimes the day of, and your beau at times is able to tag along. Lucky for me, my partner is always eager to join me and I never have to worry about what he’s wearing. He has a keen sense of what is acceptable for an array of settings ranging from black tie, formal, and even block parties. This has heightened our partnership in a way too. It also gives me a sense of ease when I attend events to have a friend and beau at my side who is just as confident as myself. Clothing can be an armor–but it can also be a way of speaking without audibly saying anything. As a couple, from my vantage point we’re equally yolked due to our interests, many of our values, and our love for fashion.

A level of curiosity about fashion and dating led me here. What exactly is it about style that manages to be important to some and not too serious to others?

To WNBA stylist Amadi Brooks, she doesn’t believe it’s mandatory for someone she’s dating to be considered stylish. But, she does declare that she wants her partner to at least have a sense of their own personal style. “In my line of work as a stylist, I devote a lot of energy toward making others ‘stylish’ so I need someone who understands,” Brooks shared. This logic is fair and personally agreeable.

Below, I asked stylists, fashion insiders, and a marketing executive whether style is of the utmost importance or a deal-breaker when it comes to dating.

Ashley Griffin, Marketing Executive & Content Creator

“I do not think it’s important or necessary for a woman who is stylish to also date someone considered stylish because that is least significant to sustain the longevity of a relationship,” Griffin notes in an email. “It’s most important to focus on the intangible: kinetic energy, humor, loyalty, discernment, to name a few, especially when dating to find a life partner.” She added: “Ultimately style is something that can evolve as the stylish one in the relationship will inevitably infuse style swag to their partner.”

Larissa Muehleder, Designer

“People build their dream man up in their heads too much. Look and style end up outranking the things that truly matter like his heart, values, character and even personal hygiene. Does he shower everyday? What does his closet look like? I rather a clean closet than a stylish one,” Larissa, the founder and designer behind the brand Muehleder explains. “I need an organized provider, not a fashion diva! When I met my partner, his style was non-existent, but his spirit was captivating and the way he saw the world inspired me. A younger me would have missed out over something superficial. Three years in, we’ve built his wardrobe together and whenever I compliment him, he’s proud to say, ‘Thanks, you picked it out.’”

Dan P. Lee, Celebrity Stylist

“I personally do think as a stylist, it’s important to me to date someone who is also considered stylish,” Dan, a celebrity stylist shared. “I personally love a woman who gets really fly. But I’m not as strict with that requirement more than the fact that I think having great taste matters more.”

Shavone Charles, CEO & Founder, Future of Creatives

“The idea of style is very subjective—my preference is for someone to represent themselves and their personality well through their appearance,” Charles noted in an email. “For me, fashion and style are key forms of self-expression. When you look good, you feel good—and that’s a win-win!”

Bianca Wilson, Senior Manager, Brand & Cultural Marketing

“As a stylish woman, who uses fashion as a creative expression, what I wear is deeper than clothes. It’s my imagination coming to life, and my body is the canvas. It matters to me. Sometimes it’s fun, at times, it’s serious and all the stages in between,” Wilson shares. “As someone who works in marketing and entertainment, our first impressions are everything; they make a non-verbal statement about you,” Bianca added.

Simone Webb, Beauty Director & Founder of Curated Crowds

“I’ve dated fashion guys before and [it’s] way too much energy,” Webb shared. “I’m good as long as he’s clean, his clothes fit, and he’s not looking like he just rolled out of bed. Sure, I love a man in a sharp suit, but it’s not a deal breaker. Let’s be real when we’re 80, style won’t be what keeps us together. Love, respect, and a good laugh will,” Simone added.