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The first time a boy told me he liked me was on Moshi Monsters in 2009.
I told him to meet me after school on Club Penguin, and he did, but my brother and I shared an account so my username, moustache, and jetpack turned him off completely.
I get the same feeling when I get a ‘You’re great, but I just didn’t feel a spark!’ text now.
Twenty-somethings talk a big game about being ‘the last generation to grow up without social media’ but we’ve always been plugged into high-stakes online arenas.
I sometimes think I find conversation around the harms of social media boring in the same way an alcoholic refuses talk of a mocktail or going home before 11. I-cant-pay-attention-disorder was perhaps always going to be worsened by the I’m-going-to-take-all-of-your-attention box.
I don’t believe in stupid advice like ‘delete Instagram’, or ‘Brick’ your phone (whatever that means). But, I do think ‘digital boundaries’ can make your happier, healthier and more motivated.
So you’re always visiting her profile, scrolling when you need to work or comparing yourself to millionaires and undiagnosed orthorexics all the time? Here’s some Actually Honest Advice for beating bad social media hygiene.
The tweet that said ‘It’s my phone. You aren’t going to be mean to me on the phone I pay for.’ did good damage to the way I think about social media. I don’t have loads of haters, but I have used social media to hate on myself.
It’s abnormal and mental to get live updates from that boy who wasn’t really your boyfriend, that girl who disliked you but never told you why, an old coworker whose political opinions you couldn’t pin down, or the friend you never ever wanted to lose and lost anyway.
We aren’t supposed to live like that. It makes us feel rejected, and depressed and makes obsessive profile-checking feel simultaneously normal and yet totally out of control.
Blocking people can feel crazy. I get that.
That’s why I mute.
They are still on your following list, you are still their follower, but you never have to see a smug selfie or new girlfriend or their dog on Christmas again, and eventually the urge to see where everyone whose ever betrayed you is going on holiday this year starts to fade without ever needing the big show of a block.
The self-esteem issues, rejection sensitivity and rumination that gets triggered by social media can’t be killed overnight, but you can stop feeding them the exact things they thrive off.
I hate men that think influencers are stupid. They might vapidly scream ‘omg I’m so scared!’ when trying a new menu item — but the act, and the ads, certainly have your attention.
I think all my mid-twenties insecurities are sponsored by the TikTok shop. And, when life feels like one big self-improvement project (which it does for most neurodivergent people), the content you can’t keep away from likely represents everything you think you’re lacking.
Do you like her clothes or just want her body? Did you ever think about your teeth yellowing before everyone starting selling whitening strips? Do you find her weight loss inspiring or do you secretly wish you’ll follow for long enough that her day’s in the life the unorthodox ways she did it?
Anyone whose content makes you feel like you need to buy more and eat less deserves a big, fat unfollow. Social media doesn’t have to mean being held hostage by a vision board. Follow people whose bodies are not relevant to their content, who never post their face at all, whose clothes you hate but opinions you love and who sell you things in a self-aware, slightly embarrassed way so you don’t feel totally conned.
Neurodiversity is a bottomless piggy bank for most news outlets and publications. So is every identity, lifestyle or opinion that drives clicks and pushes angry Facebook warriors to comment. And, when your lived experience if up for debate — it’s really hard to scroll away.
I also think some people are guilty of adopting the role of internet mall cops, scanning what they read and see for something they can correct in the comments. Champions of free speech as long as you word it exactly how they would, or know everything they do.
You might think I’m a bad feminist, a terrible activist or advocate — but I’ll block, delete and report before my own social media spaces become a battleground. You don’t have to open up discussion with people determined to misunderstand you, it is tiring to see parts of your existence on trial when you just want to watch Reels.
If your digital interactions are solely policing others or being policed (or catching the second-hand hate from watching it happen to people like you) then you are bound to find the internet a miserable and polarising place. You are allowed to step away from horrible news and horrible people’s opinions on said news and still be kind, and educated and well-meaning (sorry internet hall monitors x).
I used to think ‘doom scrolling’ was one of those words that millennials make up and then claim Gen Z made up, until I actually had a panic attack watching conspiracy videos and realised the term summed up the experience pretty well.
Neurodivergent brains can get stuck in obsessive, ruminative thought patterns akin to OCD or extreme anxiety. That’s why neurodivergent brains shouldn’t hold a glowing box three inches from their face in the dark and consume videos about rising sea levels and lizard overlords.
The content you consume first thing and right before you go to bed will obviously impact the rest of the day, the content of your dreams or the quality of your sleep . And, not to make anyone put their tinfoil hat on, but my phone seems to know when I’m most susceptible to fear-mongering and amplifies the doom in my scroll a hell of a lot more.
You don’t need superhuman willpower to control your content. Press “Not Interested”, refresh the app and go right back in. Block the genre’s biggest names, even influencers you quite like. They are content creator collateral.
I hate the idea that big tech knows everything, so there’s no point trying to clean up your feed. That responsiveness cuts both ways. An algorithm that learns what scares you can also learn what soothes you, if you teach it. It only wants your attention, and it doesn’t care much what you give it.
If Meta wants me online. Fine, I’ve been here since GirlsGoGames anyway. I’ll just make sure it’s not anxiety that’s keeping me locked in.
Pieces on similar topics: Sleep hygiene and habits for neurodivergent people | Limerence and obsessive thinking
