July 17, 2026Updated July 18, 2026, 12:24 p.m. ET
The Beautiful Game? Meh. Eye of the beholder, etc., etc.
For the fútbol faithful, the World Cup excitement is building to a crescendo ahead of Sunday’s final between defending champion Argentina and Spain. But for the football faithful? We’ve been subjected to plenty. Training camps and NFL fantasy drafts can’t come quickly enough.
Yes, admittedly, WC 2026 has had its moments, whether or not you give a rip about soccer. Lionel Messi has been typically sensational, America’s guests from overseas have been wonderful by nearly every account, and it’s been good to see grass at indoor venues − and let’s hope NFL owners take note and do right by their players in the near future. And I love that USMNT star Weston McKennie is a LEGO devotee.
Otherwise? Here are nine reasons I’m ready for the World Cup to be over already and primed for the sport this country is truly passionate about to start anew.
1. A third-place game? Wha?
We’re really doing this? Yep, FIFA has typically staged a game − er, a match, I meant match − to determine the team (I meant side) that finishes third overall in the World Cup. Why? Why put more miles on England’s Harry Kane, France’s Kylian Mbappé and their teammates … just to determine the second runner-up? Who? Cares? Why risk truly unnecessary injuries? And if the rejoinder is that this is an opportunity to get younger or lesser-known players on each side some international experience (I mean a cap, sorry) − well, yeah, even I don’t like preseason football, and especially not as the tourney’s penultimate event. (Yet now I’m really bummed we never got a verdict earlier this year on what will remain an ages-old debate: Matthew Stafford’s Rams or Jarrett Stidham’s Broncos?) Let it go, FIFA − though, among your many sins, this does rate fairly low.
2. March Madness − or the NFL playoffs − this is not
If you love upsets, blown brackets, deep underdog runs and the like, then the WC is not for you − particularly in its new (and diluted) format. FIFA’s top-ranked teams are in the final. Its top four were in the semis. Six of the top eight sides reached the quarterfinals, No. 14 Switzerland and No. 19 Norway the interlopers − meaning there wasn’t really a scintilla of an upset after the round of 16. (Also, history will accurately tell you that if you don’t root for a Big Ten or SEC squad − er, European or South American − then your team has no shot. Also, how is Italy, which has failed to qualify for the past three World Cups, currently ranked 15th? I’m digressing.)
As for that inaugural, watered-down round of 32? With the exception of Cabo Verde overcoming 20th-ranked Uruguay during group play, it was pretty much chalk − the new 48-team format offering much more cover to top teams when at least a few used to experience vapor lock in the 32-team group play of years past. No wild-card teams like the 2005 Steelers or 2010 Packers going on a championship run. No George Mason or Florida Atlantic. And all those breathless announcements about teams winning their first knockout-round match in decades − like the U.S. beating 61st-ranked Bosnia and Herzegovina in the round of 32? Stop. And as for the USMNT … ?
3. America stinks
Yeah, the guy who’s appreciated the quality and theater of the NFL for decades wanted to get swept up in soccer patriotism, too − and the U.S. victories over Paraguay and Australia in group play made me want to believe there was some substance to this “Golden Generation” propaganda. But in the end, as I suspected all along, same old USMNT − good enough to win the NFC South (I mean Group D), good enough to beat overmatched Bosnia and Herzegovina, not able to leverage all of these alleged difference-making stars … in their prime … on home soil … against a beatable Belgium side in the Seahawks’ raucous Lumen Field (or Seattle Stadium, per FIFA). And the notion that Christian Pulisic, the guy who skipped the Gold Cup a year ago − while Joe Burrow is desperately trying to make the U.S. flag football team for the 2028 Olympics in his spare time − is some kind of American soccer GOAT is an insult to GOATs like Tom Brady and Jerry Rice, to say nothing of Landon Donovan, Clint Dempsey or Tim Howard … or perhaps even Jamaica’s best-ever bobsledder.
“It’s not the golden generation that we thought,” former U.S. goalie (I mean keeper) ” Kasey Keller said on ESPN after America’s decisive 4-1 loss to Belgium.
Understatement of the tourney. Get me a side in this field I can get behind. Maybe Wrexham?
Since their high-water mark quarterfinal appearance in 2002, the U.S. men have won six of 20 WC matches and didn’t even qualify in 2018. (And, while I remain thrilled that the women’s team got their due compensation from the U.S. Soccer Federation, who would have ever guessed that “equal pay for equal play” would net America two teams that can’t make it to the quarterfinals? Talk about flopping − oh yeah …)
4. Flopping
Just. The. Worst. I find myself drawn to soccer plays who get taken out on a dirty play and get up piping mad, charging back after the ball − which is to say like one or two of them. Ever. Soccer’s bane should also confer added respect to football players and the legitimate pain and agony they consistently fight through.
5. What’s the deal with offside?
Why is a rule that constantly needs to be reviewed − and frequently seems subject to ticky-tack enforcement − necessary? I imagine because the game would somehow be less, ahem, beautiful if 6-foot-5 Erling Haaland was hanging out and pillaging in the opposing penalty box all day? But can you imagine telling Rice or Ja’Marr Chase to run a go pattern … so long as they stayed even with the free safety, because it just wouldn’t be, uh, sporting to get between him and the end zone? There’s got to be a better way, maybe allowing one attacker to at least linger outside the box and gather in (I mean be serviced with) a deep strike. Who doesn’t love the bomb, after all? And defenses always adapt tactically. I know, I’m the ugly American.
6. FIFA
So what’s the process for awarding your Peace Prize, Gianni? How about suddenly rescinding a red card, which happened in 1962 and this year? Oh, right, that was allegedly explained. Dare I dive into Qatar 2022 or just stop while I’m this far behind given there’s almost no coming back from a soccer deficit without Messi on your side? The NFL league office has screwed up plenty of times over the years, but graft and political pandering − at least as it pertains to competitive on-field issues − aren’t typically on the menu. Yeah, I’ll stop here.
7. Ties
I mean draws, which is how 28% of group play matches ended. (The NFL has had one tie in its last 816 regular-season contests.) Ugh. Ninety minutes of set pieces, flopping, momentum graphs (FOX’s worst graphic) and offside − plus injury time! − signifying nothing.
8. Soccer refs
Fútbol matches have one referee attempting to legislate 22 players on the pitch, which is substantially larger − by roughly one-third − than a football field (end zones included). VAR and the offside flag folks (allegedly) help said ref, but can you imagine the uproar if there was only one on-field official adjudicating 22 guys in an NFL game? I know Egypt is with me here.
9. Soccer lingo
Every sport has its vernacular, so I don’t know why this one strikes me as so pretentious (again, ugly American). But, “brace” yourself, I’m definitely going to write at some point that Green Bay’s new 3-4 shape just didn’t have enough quality to put its side in position to equalize with the Vikings, thus relegating the Packers to the bottom of the NFC North table and mulling their options ahead of the November transfer window as they’ll likely never get sufficient “results” to go through to the playoffs. More practice, less training, gaffer.
Had enough? Same − I’m dying for some fire-zone blitzes, run-pass options, Texas routes and quarters coverage. We’ve enjoyed all of our foreign visitors, and hopefully they’ll leave with a better impression of Americans and our culture after spending some up-close-and-personal time with us … this screed notwithstanding.
But when it comes to golden generations, give me Mahomes, Allen and Jackson (I’ll take the Knicks or our gold medal hockey teams as a fallback, too). When it comes to Christians, give me McCaffrey. And when it comes to football − because I fancy compelling action, lead changes and (almost) no ties − I’m picking the American version.
Every. Single. Time.
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1 Comment
Anonymous
#interesting